The reason why I come out with this entry? Because, I'm in the middle of the final semester and obviously this the "fragile" stage. The stage where I'll cry over everything and anything even to the smallest matters. So to ease this mind, I decided to write!
Let me start with.. Erm first! My life after wearing hijab.
Seriously, its not easy. Remember my previous entry about hijrah? Telling the whole world what I feel and that I wanted to change so bad. Allah has its plan for me. The day Abang Fakhrul passed away on 27th August is the day I started to wear hijab. We need to go to Hospital Melaka right after we got the news and me being me always asked my mum "should I wear tudung?" and Mama will always give me that look. But not that day. I took one of my tudung and immediately covered my head. After everything was settled, we went back to Taiping and that one particular moment the next day, I wanted to go out for a while. That strange feeling that you can't tell. I took the tudung and wear. Then I'm ready to go out. But MashaAllah, syaitan is so powerful and I took it off again and go straight into the car. I just don't know how to describe that feeling at that time, I cried and I went back into the house, take my tudung, wear it and Alhamdulillah, that is the turning point. I always pray for myself to be istiqamah in this and in fact to be a better person.
I am blessed enough to be given this hidayah from Allah to change myself. Everyone saying that "sabar lah, ada hikmah di sebalik kejadian". If this is the hikmah behind our loss, thank you, ya Allah. Allah has in fact gave me the strength to go through this despite the fact that I have no one to turn to at that time to share my sadness and that lost has really its own hikmah. Obviously I can't go to Kakak, Mama or Abah telling them I feel sad as I miss arwah so much but Alhamdulillah, Allah hears my prayers. He gives me strength that no one could ever imagine. Because I'm a sensitive cengeng type of person and can't bear any loss in the family.
Second, love life?
Well, Syaiful has just urm not just, he has in fact completed his course for the past few months. Went for few interviews, looking for some scholarships, searching for better prospect of work all over the world. Things getting smoother lately except for the fact that it's really hard to get a job that suits his qualification.
But dear Syaiful, I just want you to know that you will always have me being that usual supportive girlfriend by your side. And I hope you know that whenever I shouted at you, that is because I love you. Thank you for being such a superb boyfriend for all this while. I will do what I can to help you to go through this alright. :)
One thing, I don't want you to feel sorry to me or guilty because you didn't come back when Abang Fakhrul passed away. Yes I need you the most at that time, but I understand your tight schedule. :)
Abah warned yesterday "its either you score or not. Its either you have to pay for your ptptn or grad with 1st class honours". Stressss! The real life going to start realll soon!
And yeah thats all I guess.