Voila!

Assalamualaikum and hye! 

One thing about me is that I always write and post new entry in the train. I mean there will be time where I'm lazy to drive, to save some money on petrol and toll, not in the mood to face the traffic, hence train is the best option! After all its not that bad pun naik train in the morning to Shah Alam and come back to Ampang in the evening. Before this Syaiful been trying so hard to teach me how to use public transport and I'm so ignorant at that time. Because well I have that thought of "heyyy I have a car lah!" Dude! Life is better without a car because you will learn how to be independent! Ehem and now I know how to useublic transport yeayyyyy for me!

Alright, enough of that! 

Its been 107days since my beloved brother passed away and we still feel the emptiness in the house. For god's sake he will be with us for even once a week but now its been 3months plus! And now that final exam is just around the corner, that makes me miss him even more. Usually he will be there during final exam because my finals will always be during school midterm break or during long end year holiday. So this is it, where the school is in long holiday he will come back and spend his time with us. He will be the one accompany me, sometimes, till morning to do some reading or catch up on notes. He will watch tv lah, eating in the middle of the night lah. So I'm so used at it. But now he's not here anymore. I feel the lost. I still can't imagine how I'm going to study till morning without anyone offering me any food. 

But I know Allah will always be there for me to help me to go through this. What I have to do is to keep praying and redha with everything he tested me. InshaAllah..

And hey last week was our pre-grad dinner and academic excellence award. Yeah, having this opportunity here, I would like to say thank you to my Mama, Abah, Kakak, Abang Fakhrul, Syaiful and friends. I won't be receiving those 2 awards if it not because of the contributions and supports from each and everyone of you. It was unexpected that I'll get that but, Alhamdulillah. That has actually gives myself an inspiration to continue my LLb Hons, InshaAllah. 

Few more days to finals. Wish me luck everyone! ;)

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Updates on life.

Assalamualaikum.

The reason why I come out with this entry? Because, I'm in the middle of the final semester and obviously this the "fragile" stage. The stage where I'll cry over everything and anything even to the smallest matters. So to ease this mind, I decided to write!

Let me start with.. Erm first! My life after wearing hijab.
Seriously, its not easy. Remember my previous entry about hijrah? Telling the whole world what I feel and that I wanted to change so bad. Allah has its plan for me. The day Abang Fakhrul passed away on 27th August is the day I started to wear hijab. We need to go to Hospital Melaka right after we got the news and me being me always asked my mum "should I wear tudung?" and Mama will always give me that look. But not that day. I took one of my tudung and immediately covered my head. After everything was settled, we went back to Taiping and that one particular moment the next day, I wanted to go out for a while. That strange feeling that you can't tell. I took the tudung and wear. Then I'm ready to go out. But MashaAllah, syaitan is so powerful and I took it off again and go straight into the car. I just don't know how to describe that feeling at that time, I cried and I went back into the house, take my tudung, wear it and Alhamdulillah, that is the turning point. I always pray for myself to be istiqamah in this and in fact to be a better person.

I am blessed enough to be given this hidayah from Allah to change myself. Everyone saying that "sabar lah, ada hikmah di sebalik kejadian". If this is the hikmah behind our loss, thank you, ya Allah. Allah has in fact gave me the strength to go through this despite the fact that I have no one to turn to at that time to share my sadness and that lost has really its own hikmah. Obviously I can't go to Kakak, Mama or Abah telling them I feel sad as I miss arwah so much but Alhamdulillah, Allah hears my prayers. He gives me strength that no one could ever imagine. Because I'm a sensitive cengeng type of person and can't bear any loss in the family.

Second, love life?
Well, Syaiful has just urm not just, he has in fact completed his course for the past few months. Went for few interviews, looking for some scholarships, searching for better prospect of work all over the world. Things getting smoother lately except for the fact that it's really hard to get a job that suits his qualification.

But dear Syaiful, I just want you to know that you will always have me being that usual supportive girlfriend by your side. And I hope you know that whenever I shouted at you, that is because I love you. Thank you for being such a superb boyfriend for all this while. I will do what I can to help you to go through this alright. :)

One thing, I don't want you to feel sorry to me or guilty because you didn't come back when Abang Fakhrul passed away. Yes I need you the most at that time, but I understand your tight schedule. :)

Study?
Abah warned yesterday "its either you score or not. Its either you have to pay for your ptptn or grad with 1st class honours". Stressss! The real life going to start realll soon!

And yeah thats all I guess.

Love.

We miss you, dear brother.

...And today is Abang Fakhrul's birthday. Happy birthday abangku.. Semoga kau berbahagia di sana bersama para solihin dan dirahmati Allah.

Honestly, we miss you so much. Setiap kali teringatkan Abang Fakhrul, mesti menangis. Mesti. There's no one can replace you. Bak kata Kakak, "tiada pengganti suamiku seorang".

Datanglah berapa ramai lelaki baik pun, kebaikan Abang Fakhrul masih diingati. You are one in a million. Ya Allah rindunya.. ;'( The best brother I've ever had. Walaupun statusnya hanya sebagai "abang ipar" tapi keramahan dan kebaikan beliau hanya orang orang rapat sahaja yang dapat bayangkan.

Sedangkan kawan kawan aku yang datang rumah sekali sekala buat assignment sama sama, dia akan offer "nak makan apa malam ni? nak stay up ke malam ni? nanti bgtau lah nak makan apa". So cool. He's the best.

Abang Fakhrul, kami rindu kan Abang Fakhrul. Banyak sangat video video Abang Fakhrul dalam handphone and tab Ika. I just can't. Kadang kadang duduk sorang sorang aku tengok jugak semua video tu. Dalam laptop pun banyak gambar Abang Fakhrul. Sebab selalunya laptop aku lah yang akan tersadai dekat depan tv so dia pun dengan senang lenangnya transfer semua gambar dia dari camera dalam laptop ni. And sampai ke hari ni Abang Fakhrul belum ambil lagi semua gambar tu.

Abang Fakhrul, I've tried, trying and will try my best to be there for Adeeb and Kakak throughout their journey without you.

*This was actually written on 17/11/2012 during his birthday and I stopped writing at that time due to some reasons. So today 19/11/2012 at 2.15am I managed to complete this short entry as his birthday reminder and to tell everyone out there that he was the best brother I've ever had in my entire life. 

Regards,
Ily Zalikha

Al-fatihah kepada Opah tercinta, Aminah binti Abdul Aziz.

Ya Allah, sungguh berat dugaan yang kau berikan ini. Berikan lah kami kekuatan menghadapi semu ini ya Allah. Tinggikan lah iman kami, supaya kami sentiasa redha atas semua dugaan mu ini..

7 November 2012, sekali lagi Allah menduga kami sekeluarga. Pemergian Opah tercinta ke rahmatullah. Sayu, sedih, dan kami masih menangis dan menangis. Ya Allah, kenapa berat sangat dugaan ini. Sungguh, kami tak terdaya nak lalui semua ini tanpa bantuan mu..

Opah meninggal akibat sakit tua. Beliau jatuh dari bilik air pada 4June haritu dan terlantar sakit selama 5bulan. Ternyata Allah itu punya rancangannya sendiri. Diberinya Opah sakit, diberinya dugaan buat anak anak untuk menjaga. Tanpa mengeluh, tanpa sikit rasa penat mereka menjaga Opah siang malam.

Dear Wan Mie, Pak Atan and Cik Mawar, ketahuilah Allah itu melihat segala yang kalian lakukan. Sesungguhnya tidak ramai yang sanggup berkorban seperti kalian. Personally, Ika kagum dengan kasih sayang yang kalian berikan pada Opah, tanpa jemu, penat dan keluhan.. Jangan pernah menyesal dengan pemergian Opah. Ika yakin Opah pergi dengan rasa senang hati dijaga dengan rapi oleh anak anaknya. Jangan pernah rasa bersalah, kerana ajal itu telah tertulis. Sekurang kurangnya bersyukur lah Allah berikan kalian kesempatan untuk menjaga Opah, dan juga bersyukurlah kerana Opah tak terseksa lagi menanggung sakit.

I know its hard for us. One after another. Tapi siapa kita untuk question kebesaran Allah. Semua dugaan yang Allah turunkan ni mungkin ada hikmahnya dan mengajar kita untuk lebih tabah dan jangan lupa padaNya.

Kita yang ada ni, selagi masih hidup berdoalah dan kumpul lah amal ibadat sebanyak yang boleh kerana itu bekalan kita nanti di sana..

Ya Allah, kau cucuri lah rahmat mu keatas roh Opah ku dan juga Abang Ipar ku. Kau tempah kan lah mereka dalam golongan beriman dan dikasihi mu ya Allah. Kau lapangkan lah liang mereka, cerahkan lah liang mereka, ampunilah segala dosa mereka ya Allah. Hanya padamu kami berserah dan hanya padamu kami mengharap.. Amin..

Gathering.

Abang Fakhrul,

Kami semua balik Taiping minggu ni. Esok Kak Min bertunang.. Abang Fakhrul ingat tak Kak Min cakap "you kena datang kenduri I, kalau tak datang merisik, you dtg time bertunang". Tapi Abang Fakhrul diam je tapi we didn't realize until Abang Fakhrul dah takde. Masa tu we thought Abang fakhrul taknak berjanji. Sebab Abang Fakhrul kalau berjanji memang ditepati.. Sebab lepas raya kan Abang Fakhrul busy dengan liga. Hmm, who knows diam tu tanda Abang Fakhrul memang takkan datang.

But dear brother, we will not forget you. No matter in what situation pun, you will always be in our heart. Sumpah tak tipu. We send du'a for you in every prayer, and everytime we missed you.

Now that you are not around, we have done many tahlil for you. Esok pun kami buat tahlil lagi. Sekarang ni bila ada terluang je we will do tahlil for you and baca yassin ramai ramai. We miss you Abang Fakhrul. But we know that nothing we can do now, except for sedekah alfatihah, yassin and tahlil for you..

Abang Fakhrul, since you are not around, kiteorang semua tak mampu nak pergi all your favorite place. Yutsun, starbucks, subway, chillis, fathima and many many more. We can't even look at your pictures. If you happen to read my mind/heart, I hope you know we are not forgetting you dear brother, no, but we just can't live with all the memories. Only Allah knows how much we, the whole family, Mama, Abah, cousins miss you.

Friends telling me, "aku mimpi arwah abang ipar kau". Another friend came and told "aku tak rapat dengan arwah, jumpa pun tak pernah tapi aku rasa kehilangan". MashaAllah. If you asked me, I honestly will cry in front of everyone everytime people asked about the incident. But I kept telling myself, "don't cry. Abang fakhrul orang yang baik. Orang baik dikasihi Allah, dan dikasihi sesama umat". Sedangkan kawan yang tak rapat pun, keluarganya buat bacaan yassin untuk arwah masa malam arwah meninggal. I'm glad to hear that, Alhamdulillah.

Kalau Abang Fakhrul still ada, mesti malam ni kite dah plan dah what to do, where to lepak.. But yes, you are not with us anymore. You might be around but we can't see you. We can't hear you laughing, we can't hear your jokes, we can't look at your happy face.

Dear brother, tomorrow there will be some tahlil for you, inshaAllah. We will send our du'a for you, inshaAllah. Monday, Kakak, Mama and Abah will go and visit you.

I might not be the best sister in law for you when you were alive, but I promise that I will be the best sister and maksu for Kakak and Adeeb. I will be there throughout their ups and down. I will take care of them just like how you did (though I might not be like you). InshaAllah.

I hope you will be around for us and for Adeeb. I know he can see you. Everytime he called "Yahh, yahh", mashaAllah my heart beats faster. Because I know everytime he called you, he saw you..

I hope I can see you too ;')

Regards,
Ika